Wednesday, February 29, 2012

"How I Thrive with Infertility" - Marie

I feel so blessed to know this wonderful lady.  Though we have never met in person, we have exchanged many emails and poured our hearts out to each other.  I'm so glad that she reached out to me a few months ago.  She has been such a strength to me and I hope her words will inspire you as well!


"When Steph asked me to write a guest post about how I thrive with infertility, I immediately thought of prayer.  Anyone who faces the trial of infertility can tell you that there are continual ups and downs along the way.  At any of these times, you can be praying for different things.  You may be praying for desired results, for comfort, for patience, for understanding, or for strength. 
I feel inadequate to describe the variety and intensity of emotions that I have felt over the past four years, but I know that prayer has always allowed me to pour out the thoughts and feelings of my heart to someone who will not judge or discredit my struggles.  Each time I amazed at the feelings of peace and comfort that come into my heart, the very place that minutes ago felt empty and in anguish.
Please realize that each individual circumstance is different.  Prayer has been an instrumental tool in helping us decide which tests and treatments to pursue.  There are a lot of options and the expense can add up quickly.  Don’t let your emotions be your only guide.  I know by past experience that I can be very reactionary in my approach.  Make sure to take your plan to the Lord.
Another element very similar to prayer is Priesthood blessings.  I hope anyone struggling with infertility has a supportive husband.  I would not have fared nearly as well as I have without my husband’s unfailing love and support.  This is a trial we have faced together.  I never have to cry alone because he is right there to hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be ok.  He is also ready and willing to give me a Priesthood blessing of comfort whenever I ask.  How quick we are to become discouraged and forget the blessings we have been promised.  Priesthood blessings are a great way to remind us of our mission, potential, and the love our Heavenly Father has for us. 
Date nights are a huge benefit.  It is all too easy to become focused on schedules, charts, and treatments.  My husband and I have decided that certain things are just not worth worrying about it if takes away from our relationship.  I’m not saying we have weekly, perfectly planned and executed date nights, because we don’t.  I’m also not saying that we don’t try to time things.  We just like to find a happy medium.  Go out and have fun together.  You’ll find you’re a lot happier when you feel closer to your spouse.
It’s also really easy to get caught up in the future.  You may start stockpiling clothes and other baby items.  I see nothing wrong with that.  Just don’t forget to be you.  I’ve found that stockpiling clothes has been a negative experience for me.  As much fun as it is to purchase them, I see them laying around and get frustrated as to why I haven’t been able to use them yet. 
On the other hand, a good part of my Pinterest boards are related to babies and children.  But I balance it out with lots of fun recipes and crafts for the home.   My husband and I also have the opportunity to put some of those ideas into practice with our nephews, who we adore and frequently take on outings.  Find what makes you happy and run with it.  Don’t let your happiness rely on the statement “I’ll be happy when…”.
I was reluctant to share our circumstances with friends and family.  Infertility is a very personal trial and the last thing you want is to bring negative attention to it.  However, we have been blessed with an awesome group of friends who have been amazingly supportive.  They include us in all sorts of happenings.  We feel accepted as equals, which has made our relationships that much stronger.  Yes, there have been times when I haven’t wanted to closely associate with our friends who have children.  I think it’s a fairly typical phase to pass through.  I’m just grateful for the strength I had to ignore those thoughts.  I would have missed out on so many blessings had I continued to harbor negative feelings.
We pray every day for the opportunity to become parents.  We still want the 6+ kids we talked about when we first got married.  A lot of what we do is founded on what our future goals are.  We are definitely not taking our eyes off the prize.  In the meantime, we have found what makes us happy now and do all we can to be ready for whatever comes our way."


Rach said...

I love drawing strength from each other. Marie, thank you so much for sharing with us. I soaked in every word and was deeply touched. I like the way you worded that God never "discredits our struggles" and I felt comforted by your entire post in general. Thank you, Marie. :-)

Katie said...

Beautiful. I'm loving this series. I really need to utilize prayer more often. It's such a powerful tool and I forget that sometimes.