One of THOSE Days

I was having one of those days this morning.  The mornings where I start thinking about things.  Like how it's almost been 5 years since we started "trying" to have a baby.  Or how people who got pregnant around the time we started trying now have 4-year-old kids and usually 1 or 2 more!  Or I think about how painful it was to learn about so-and-so's pregnancy and then remember that that announcement was made over two years ago...and we still aren't pregnant.  Or how I'm almost 25 years old and I thought I'd be pregnant by 21 for sure.  (I know you're all thinking I'm still young, but this isn't about age--it's about having your life plans drastically altered and trying to cope with that.)  Or I wonder if IVF will work next time... and what if it doesn't?  What then.  Will we adopt?  We've always thought adoption would be in our future, but how soon, we don't know.  All these "what ifs" were getting to me.  All that fear and despair had started to settle in quite nicely right about the time I dropped Matt off at the school.  Then I turned on the radio and immediately heard these words:

"I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet"
"Haven't Met You Yet"--by Michael Buble

No joke.  And then that warm feeling swept over me.  That feeling when you just know with all of your heart that you have a loving Heavenly Father who is watching out for you.  That feeling that you have a Heavenly Father who cares about even your smallest worries or insecurities or the fact that you are having a hard day.  I don't know how or when, but things WILL work themselves out.  Hard days will come, but the only thing I can do is move forward in faith.

It's Tough, but We're Grateful

 

 I bought these and a pregnancy test one day when I was sure I was pregnant.  I was excited to surprise Matt when he came home from school that day.  Unfortunately, I wasn't pregnant and they have sat in my closet awaiting the day when that test will be positive.  We know it will come!

Infertility is tough (understatement of the century?)!  Sometimes you feel totally ok about things and then it hits you like a ton of bricks from nowhere.  Like, when we're sitting in church and realize that we are literally surrounded by tons of really cute kids.  Mormons really like to reproduce and we live in a particularily fertile ward, so this happens pretty much every week.  (Sidenote:  a few weeks ago there was a little boy and a little girl, about 4-5 years old, who were blowing kisses to each other, passing love notes, and blushing.  What a crack up!  Matt and I could not stop laughing.)  Don't get me wrong, these kids brighten our lives and provide endless entertainment, but sometimes that ache finds it's way in.  We want to become parents more than anything else... but we have to wait.  Other people are getting pregnant right and left at the drop of a hat and we've been trying for almost four years.  That's really hard to swallow sometimes.

But amidst all of this, I can't help but feel grateful.  We will appreciate the opportunity to become parents more than we would have.  I hear people say so often things like, "just enjoy it because once they come you can't give them back."  I know these people love their kids dearly, but if they knew what it was like to not be able to have kids, they probably wouldn't be saying things like that.  These things don't offend me, they just make me grateful that I've HAD the opportunity to know what it's like to not be able to have kids.  You can bet I won't be saying things like that when we finally become parents.  We have had the opportunity to strengthen our relationship and learn from other parents while we've been waiting.  We are going to have the amazing opportunity of having those who love us help us become parents. I love that! Our kids are already so loved that people who love us want to help us get them here!  They say it takes a village to raise a child--well, it's going to take a village to bring ours home!  (Click HERE to be part of our "village".)

Truth is, I've never felt so much hope amidst our infertility.  We have a plan.  We are working toward a goal with Pound the Pavement for Parenthood.  And, we will become parents!  What a wonderful day that will be!

Scenes from Our Life

Shortly after we arrived in South Bend last summer, Matt and I took a walk on campus and I snapped a few shots.  I stumbled upon them the other day and thought I would share them with all of you.  I'm constantly in awe of this beautiful place where we work and study each day.  The architecture and landscaping is breath taking.  We feel so blessed.

It's the Small Things

I eat lunch with Matt everyday at the Law School.  It is the best.  The other day as I was walking away to go back to work I turned around and he was still watching me with a huge smile on his face.  My heart skipped a beat.  I love this man...

...especially when he mimics the sound the geese in our pond might make if he happened to throw an orange at them.

Things I'm thankful for:

From now until Thanksgiving I'm going to try writing something on my blog that I am thankful for. These posts are inspired by Jason and Stephanie - you can find their blog on my blog list :)


Today I am thankful for Matthew - that is an easy one, but I feel so grateful for him :) He is SO fun to be around. He is always making me laugh and always willing to try my crazy ideas. We are always doing fun things together - things that aren't necessarily the most fun things are fun just cause I'm with him :) He is always patient with me and loves me even when I have a grumpy face day :) He always finds a way to make me smile... even when I'm being stubborn. He always turns up the music and rolls the windows down... then rolls them up if I complain that it's blowing my hair. He loves my food - and shows it... I usually make big meals so we can have leftovers for dinners the next day and lunches.... only Matt likes the food so much I usually come home from work the next day and it's all gone... hehe He lets me warm up my cold hands and feet on him. He tells me I'm beautiful especially with out makeup on. He reads to me. He thinks I'm smart ;) He always helps around the house - I think I'd rather come home to a clean house then have him buy my flowers, but he does that too. Matt gets so excited about things - especially sports :) He is so dedicated to the Lord, us and school. I'm so proud of him and today I am thankful for Matthew.

A Very Important Story, And An Even More Important Life:

I think this blog will explain it all - Please take the time to read this inspirational blog. The life of Jason is extremely inspirational. I know Jason and Stephanie Personally and they are SUCH amazingly strong people. I'm certain they would also appreciate any prayers in their behalf.

The Peacegiver - by James L. Ferrell:

Matt and I have been reading this book together, it is one of our favorite things to do :) It's so fun to read with someone else and then be able to discuss the topics. I love this book because it teaches church doctrine in story form so it makes it easier to understand and apply. While we were reading together last night I was thinking how many significant quotes are contained in this book. Take a minute to stop and think about each of these - oh and if you haven't read this book I definitely recommend it!

"Being mistreated is the most important condition of mortality, for eternity itself depends on how we view those who mistreat us."

"When we withhold forgiveness from others we are in effect saying that the atonement alone was insufficient to pay for this sin. We are holding out for more. We are finding fault with the Lord's offering. We are in essence demanding that the Lord repent of an insufficient atonement. So when we fail to forgive another, it is as if we are failing to forgive the Lord - who, as you [know], needs no forgiveness."

"Remember three things. First, Christ took upon his own head the sins of those who have wronged us. Second, because of this, he stands between us and those whom we think have wronged us, asking us to realize that the atonement is sufficient for those sins and to therefore repent of our grudges and give up our enmity. And finally, if we forgive, the atonement fills us with what we have lacked and either washes away our pain, or sustains us in it."

"'Righteousness' is simply a humble understanding of how unrighteous one is, coupled with a deep commitment to be better."

"Rick felt real conviction - not the cocky confidence that covers and blinds one to sin, but rather the humbling recognition that sin is at the door, but that there is One more powerful than sin that guards the way if we will let him."

Well, I just thought I would share those with all of you - because they had such a great impact on me :)

Proposition 8 in California:

THIS IS WRONG!

You know, I'm not one to get too upset about these things and generally I can respect people's opinions on things - even if they differ from my own. I have my own ideas about taxes, oil drilling, the economy ect and other people have theirs, even if I don't agree - I can respect them for having an opinion. I definitely do not agree with Obama's ideas of incessantly taxing the hardworking to give to the lazy - what is the American dream if everyone's reward is the same?! These things make me frustrated and worried for our future. But, NOTHING makes me MORE FURIOUS than the idea of abortion - the CARELESS MURDER OF BABIES! That is what it is folks and Obama even supports LIVE BIRTH ABORTION! Do you know what that is?
This website explains in detail: http://www.priestsforlife.org/testimony/jillstanektestimony.htm

After reading the article above watch this movie:



THIS IS WRONG! Abortion is wrong - except in situations where 1. the mother's life is in danger, 2. rape, 3. incest. In these cases I believe that the mother should be given the choice, during the FIRST trimester - not after the baby is born! However I believe that in cases where the mother was given choice when she chose to conceive she has now lost that freedom of choice because it affects the baby as well. As with all rights and freedoms they only extend until they affect the freedoms of another. Classic example - free speech. Free speech is wonderful until you yell fire in a movie theater and someone gets trampled on in the process. Same thing applies. The rights of the mother are great - but they DO NOT just affect her. An innocent life is at stake. How can Obama support the killing of innocent life while at the same time protect the lives of innocent American lives.... sounds like a contradiction to me. This is wrong and I can not understand how anyone can agree with this or "look past it" in their political views. I hear some people saying - "ya, but I agree with everything else - so I'll just over look that part." You are on one side of the fence or the other. If you stand idly by and support - or even fail to contradict this horrible and disgusting infanticide - you are just as bad as the people killing these innocent babies. Protect LIFE.


I love this video as well - I got this from Sterling and Hayleys blogs - thanks guys!




Please, this November - vote for what REALLY matters.

Look Alikes?

So I always thought it was funny how many people take it upon them selves to tell me, "You look just like...." This is dedicated to them...

This is the best one - so I'm putting it first. This is my best friend Stephanie from high school - I'm not sure why, but people used to get us mixed up all the time - I WISH I looked like her ;) I love this girl to pieces :)

We were at Matt's ward last Sunday and a sweet lady from his ward was POSITIVE that I was on the front of the Utah brides magazine - she even said she took our picture from our thank you card and compared it and it was me for sure... I knew it wasn't me... and Matt just wanted compensation ;) haha So I had to find out what my "look alike" looked like.

These situations can actually be quite embarrassing at times. Last year when I was buying a manual for LDS institute the sweet lady at the office took the liberty of not only telling that I look like Reese Witherspoon - which is crazy, but saying to everyone else in the office, "Hey look everyone it's Reese Witherspoon right here in our office!" ... I of course went bright red and felt really awkward as everyone took the opportunity to stare at me.

Some lady in the office at my high school told me I looked like Nicole Kidman - then I went home and cried myself to sleep... haha not really, but almost.

This happened more when I was younger, but yes I was told that I looked like them... what a disgrace. haha

Sorry, this isn't the best picture, but I have also had a few people tell me that I look like the "girl from Charlie" or the "girl from the billboard on 72nd south." (There was a billboard by my house in Salt Lake for Utah Brides.com)

Well I hope this post gives you a laugh - and next time you think about telling someone, "You look JUST like..." Make sure it's a compliment ;) haha

I am going to grow a garden some day :)

Why is home grown produce SO much better!? When we were at Matt's parents house in South Jordan we picked some tomatoes and cucumbers from their garden to bring home and I have been enjoying them - even though Matt hates tomatoes. I can't wait to have a garden of my own some day! I love fresh cucumbers and tomatoes with salt on them. I also love to toast 2 pieces of wheat bread and put mayo, sliced cucumbers, sliced tomatoes, and salt & pepper in the middle :)

A Life Changing Story:

I can't help but share this on my blog. I first came upon this announcement a couple of days ago while blog surfing. Then I came upon the actual blog of Stephanie (click on "about Nie" then click on "NieNie Dialogues") and was able to read about the Nielson family before the accident. It wasn't long before tears were rolling down my cheeks as I saw pictures of this beautiful family and their sweet children. I think this post that really hit me was one entitled, "I love my life" followed by pictures of Stephanie's family. Sometimes I wonder why things like this happen to such wonderful people, but I know that we have a loving father in heaven who is watching out for us and the Nielson family will not be alone in their struggles. This story really puts things in perspective for me. I want to live life to it's fullest and I'm so grateful for my relationships with family and friends. Maybe that is why these things happen - to inspire the rest of us. To remind us what is important, and most of all to give us a chance to serve and take part in a miracle - and a miracle it is. I'm positive that any prayers offered in their behalf would be appreciated.
This is the link for her sisters blog - here you can read updates about the status of Christian and Stephanie and their family. There is also an option to donate as well. May we all love a little more, serve a little more, laugh a lot more, and live a little better.

The Ultimate Gift:

On Sunday after church we watched the Ultimate Gift - Matt had seen it before - but I hadn't and he really wanted me to see it. It was SUCH a great movie and I highly recommend it. Not only was the message amazing but the story line was good as well. It really makes you take a look at what is important in life and makes you want to be a better person. We just rented it from Block Buster but I think we are going to buy it because it is just that good of a movie :)

My funny husband:

So lately I've just been taking note of funny things Matt says to me - here area a couple:

"You are treading on thin ice Missy!" Said jokingly while we were teasing each other... I look at him and said, "Treading on thin ice? Is that even a saying? haha" Matt - "Of course it is - I said it." Me - "I believe it's treading in deep water or walking on thin ice...but you are cute" :) haha This just made me smile.

Today after church I was washing my hands or something in the bathroom and he came up behind me - put his arms around me and kissed my forehead - cute huh?! Then... he said "Hmmm... you smell like a pet shop." ??? :) haha Sometimes I think having a husband is like being around a little kid... he never explained it and I never asked... but personally I think I better start wearing some perfume if I smell like a PET SHOP???

This one is from Matt was little - but I just loved it so I have to blog about it in my spare time - wait... what spare time?? Anyway here it is:
So when Matt was little he started doing something naughty - he started calling people Butts. His parents used to get really mad when he did it so one time he said to someone, " You BIG BUTT!" His dad looked at him and was probably about to smack his bottom when Matt said, "Wait! I said BUCK! I said BUCK dad!!!" hehe This just made me laugh - he is so funny and it's funny how little kids personalities come out even when they are little :)

Sometimes I'm Crazy...

Matt and I have been watching the 5th season of 24 recently. I had seen the 1st and 2nd seasons. We watched the 3rd and 4th while we were dating. Then we watched all of the Lost seasons. Then season 6 and we are more than half way through the 5th season of 24. (Ya we are obsessed :)) I think it just occurred to me how CRAZY that show (24) makes me. I either can't watch so I cover my eyes or burrow my head into Matt's shoulder, or I freak out.... this consists of hitting my poor husband out of freak out suspense, usually on the knee or something. Or I bite him... I don't know when I picked this up as a mode of releasing stress and tension or portraying extreme anxiety over movies... but I did. I don't bite very hard - don't worry. But it usually goes like this. Something really suspenseful is going to happen I start freaking out and hide my face so I can't see. Then I say"AH!!! I can't stand it! I know someone is going to find them! Tell me when it's over! AHHHH!!!!!" Then I grab him and bite him or hit him on the shoulder repeatedly or both... Matt either laughs at me or ignores me. Why, must you ask am I telling you this embarrassing story about how crazy I am? Actually... I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I just had an epiphany on how crazy I am. Perhaps it's because I feel bad for my poor husband. And perhaps it is necessary as part of my therapy to log my craziness publicly.

Citizen Soldier:

Matt and I love this music video, it makes you proud to be an American for sure:

Memories :)

1. Leave one memory that you and I had together, as a comment on my blog. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

Matt and My Email Conversation Today:

Me: "I want one of these :)"

Matt: "Well, I want one of these."


And, it ended there :) haha

Something I'm Excited For...

So I was just sitting here at work listening to music while I work and a song from WICKED started playing... and I was just reminded how excited I am because Matt and I are going to see it at the capital theater in the Spring! I can hardly stand it I'm so excited! I have seen it once before in Chicago when I was on choir tour in high school. It is just such an AMAZING production and I LOVE the music! Even if you don't get the chance to see it I would get the soundtrack :)

My favorite songs are:
I'm not that girl
As long as your mine
Defying Gravity
Popular
For Good

But honestly they are ALL amazing! :) Yay for wicked!

http://www.wickedthemusical.com/

Service: Something to think about...

Service, a Divine Quality - Elder Carlos H. Amado Of the Seventy
(just part)

"I testify that through serving our fellowmen we come to know the Lord.

Service makes us strong in our faith and useful in His kingdom. Service gives us purpose and courage in life. It brings us closer to God and helps us refine our divine nature. It teaches us to love and understand our fellowmen, and it helps us forget about our personal desires, eliminating selfishness, pride, and ingratitude. It teaches us to think of the needs of others, which allows us to develop the virtues that the Savior possesses.

Kindness, love, patience, understanding, and unity will increase as we serve, while intolerance, jealousy, envy, greed, and selfishness decrease or disappear. The more we give of ourselves, the more our capacity to serve, understand, and love will grow.

Those who serve will always seek to please God and live in harmony with Him. They will be full of peace; they will have a cheerful countenance and a spirit of kindness.

Those who serve will strive to ennoble, build, and lift their fellowmen; therefore, they will find the good in others, and they will not find reason or have time to become offended. They develop the virtue of praying for those who criticize. They don’t expect recognition or reward. They possess the love of Christ.

Those who serve will always be willing to share what they possess and what they know at all times, in all places, and with all people.

Those who serve even in adversity will maintain a living hope of a better future. They will continue to be firm in the midst of a crisis because their hope is in Christ.

Those who serve will accept their assignments with humility, recognizing their limitations but convinced that two people can do all things they propose to do as long as one of the two people is God.

With divine inspiration, King Benjamin declared, “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17). Those who serve will have greater understanding of the personality and attributes of God.

Those who serve with devotion, even when things don’t turn out the way they would like, are not easily discouraged, fatigued, or frustrated because the promise of peace of mind and the companionship of the Holy Spirit will never abandon them."