Sunday, October 14, 2012

It's Tough, but We're Grateful

 I bought these and a pregnancy test one day when I was sure I was pregnant.  I was excited to surprise Matt when he came home from school that day.  Unfortunately, I wasn't pregnant and they have sat in my closet awaiting the day when that test will be positive.  We know it will come!

Infertility is tough (understatement of the century?)!  Sometimes you feel totally ok about things and then it hits you like a ton of bricks from nowhere.  Like, when we're sitting in church and realize that we are literally surrounded by tons of really cute kids.  Mormons really like to reproduce and we live in a particularily fertile ward, so this happens pretty much every week.  (Sidenote:  a few weeks ago there was a little boy and a little girl, about 4-5 years old, who were blowing kisses to each other, passing love notes, and blushing.  What a crack up!  Matt and I could not stop laughing. Don't get me wrong, these kids brighten our lives and provide endless entertainment, but sometimes that ache finds it's way in.  We want to become parents more than anything else... but we have to wait.  Other people are getting pregnant right and left at the drop of a hat and we've been trying for almost four years.  That's really hard to swallow sometimes.

But amidst all of this, I can't help but feel grateful.  We will appreciate the opportunity to become parents more than we would have.  I hear people say so often things like, "just enjoy it because once they come you can't give them back."  I know these people love their kids dearly, but if they knew what it was like to not be able to have kids, they probably wouldn't be saying things like that.  These things don't offend me, they just make me grateful that I've HAD the opportunity to know what it's like to not be able to have kids.  You can bet I won't be saying things like that when we finally become parents.  We have had the opportunity to strengthen our relationship and learn from other parents while we've been waiting.  We are going to have the amazing opportunity of having those who love us help us become parents. I love that! Our kids are already so loved that people who love us want to help us get them here!  They say it takes a village to raise a child--well, it's going to take a village to bring ours home!  (Click HERE to be part of our "village".)

Truth is, I've never felt so much hope amidst our infertility.  We have a plan.  We are working toward a goal with Pound the Pavement for Parenthood.  And, we will become parents!  What a wonderful day that will be!


Jill said...

I love this! You're perspective and outlook is inspiring, Stephanie. Thank you for being honest, and hopeful, and ready to do this. I cannot wait for your race. You are our focus now! Lets get baby Purcell here!!! That giraffe has waited long enough, don't you think? ;)

carly said...

I'm glad your so positive steph. Shad and I are having our own difficulties getting pregnant and I have to always remind myself to be grateful for what we have, Cru, our miracle baby.

Bryan and Sarah said...

I'm so sorry that you and Matt have had to struggle through infertility. I can't imagine how hard that would be. I'm so glad that you share your experiences and information about it because I think it's really important to be sensitive and thoughtful to others. Whenever you share it also reminds me to be more grateful for my sweet Jessie June. Love you and Matt so much!

Katie said...

We're going to be part of your village. You're going to be a great mom!

Linnea said...

You rock, Steph. I love how positive you are, it really shows what a wonderful person you are. That positivity and ability to stay strong during the tougher times is what is going to make you a truly amazing mother.