Thursday, March 20, 2014

FET #5: Bed Rest and the 2WW

Each entry was written on the date listed, but we weren't ready to post them until now.  If you know the outcome of our latest treatment, please don't give it away in the comments until after the "FET #6: Results!" post has been posted.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014
After the transfer yesterday I spent the rest of the day sleeping and resting.  My mom made the best dinner: pork roast w/applesauce, baked potatoes, steamed carrots, salad and pina colada smoothies.  Mmm...  It was delicious.  It is so nice to have Matt AND my mom to take care of me during my princess days.  Today I've laid around some more and taken several naps.  It's been kind of nice to just take it easy, but Matt's going a little crazy.  He really likes being busy and is looking forward to going back to school.  The one thing I've noticed since being on bed rest is that my Progesterone shots hurt even more now.  Maybe it's because I'm not moving around to loosen things up so my muscles get stiff with the oil in them.

Here is the yummy breakfast Matt made for me and told me it was a smiley face.  He is the best.

And... here I am on bed rest (aka couch rest) at my parents house.  Looking fabulous without makeup and with my dirty hair. ;)

Thursday, January 16, 2014
Today we flew home from Utah.  Because I'm still technically supposed to have my feet up, I had to have wheelchair assistance in the airport.  It was kind of nice because we got to avoid the stress of long lines, but it gave me a whole new perspective on what it would be like to have a physical disability.  I constantly felt like people were watching me, looking at me, making judgements about me.  It was a great lesson in having compassion and empathy for others.  I was only in a wheel chair for one day, but it was hard!  I won't return to work until Monday, so I'll spend the next few days just taking it easy, unpacking, grocery shopping, and resting up.

Saturday, January 18, 2014
Matt has been so great at taking care of me these last few days.  We didn't have any food in the house when we came home, so he has made multiple trips to the grocery store for me.  Tonight Ali Fenlon (with Sage and Harper) sent me this picture of her fortune.  We're hoping this is a sign of good things to come!
It was just what I needed.  It was a little boost of hope and faith that miracles happen and that this will work if it's the Lord's will for us.  It will be good to get back to work on Monday to get my mind off this WAITING.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Well, there haven't been TOO many hormonal/emotional breakdowns and we're almost there!  Our pregnancy blood test is on Friday--THREE DAYS!  I've asked the doctor's office to just leave a message with the results so we can listen to it together in the evening.  No matter what the results are, we'll want to be together for that.  So far I've been feeling pretty well.  I've been more tired than usual and I've had some cramping--especially at night--but I hear that's pretty normal.  Sometimes I get really nervous for Friday, but I just have to remind myself that things will be alright no matter what.  If we aren't pregnant this time, the Lord will direct us as we make decisions for our future and I KNOW that we'll be parents someday soon.  I just keep reminding myself of that and having faith and trust in the Lord's promises and in His plan for us.

Through this waiting process I've learned that submitting my will to His isn't a one time thing.  It seems I am constantly needing to realign myself with the Lord, put my trust in Him, and accept His will for us--no matter what.  Every time I let fear or doubt creep in I have to complete this process of surrendering my will all over again.  I pray, I remember His promises, and I renew my trust and faith in His plan for us.

I read this amazing talk the other day by Elder Richard G. Scott entitled, "Trust in the Lord".  I loved this quote, "Our Father in Heaven has invited you to express your needs, hopes, and desires unto Him. That should not be done in a spirit of negotiation, but rather as a willingness to obey His will no matter what direction that takes. His invitation, “Ask, and ye shall receive” (3 Ne. 27:29) does not assure that you will get what you want. It does guarantee that, if worthy, you will get what you need, as judged by a Father who loves you perfectly, who wants your eternal happiness even more than do you.  I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith."

I have grown so much throughout this process.  I'm so grateful that throughout this heartbreaking trial, the Lord has blessed me with glimpses of his purposes and plan for us.  I've grown grateful for this trial in my life and have come to recognize the many, many blessings resulting from it.  I just want to share one more quote from that same talk that addresses trials as a means for growth in our lives, "Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain."

I'm hoping with all my heart that it is the Lord's will for us to be pregnant right now.  I'm terrified of the way I'll feel if it doesn't work this time.  I hope I'm strong enough to trust in the Lord no matter what.


Karla said...

I love this post! You are an amazing example of patience, trust, faith and grace. It shows an immense amount of character and growth to truly be grateful for the trials you have been given. Love, support and prayers coming your way from Idaho. :)

Katie Collier said...

So GLAD for this post! I read the entire talk you quoted and it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I am praying for your motherhood to start sooner than later, Steph!

Bryce & Cherise said...